Dear Prince,

When a child is born, it is the mother’s instinct to protect her baby; a mother is not supposed to bury her children.

 

My baby, it’s been one month since you transitioned. I sit on your bed often. I smell your pillows and look at notebooks in your bookbag just to see your handwriting. I look at your texts, I look at your pictures every day. I can’t believe you’re gone; my heart is bleeding for you every day.

 

Wednesday, Nov. 30, I woke up. It was a normal day. We sat in the kitchen together and cooked. You had me cracking up as always; you made me laugh harder than any comedian. I was making chilli and I put too much seasoning, messing around with you, but you tasted it and you said, “Yo, this is busting!”

 

And I just shook my head and laughed, ‘cuz it was horrible, but that was the thing about you; you always found the good in everything. You’ve always seen the good in me. We’ve been through so much and you never failed to let me know how much you loved me, and made me feel like super mom.

 

I wish I could’ve saved you. I would give my life for you at the drop of a dime. That smile, that personality….you excelled at anything you did, even if it was your first time. You always wanted to be the best at everything: the best cook, the best student, the best artist. You could draw so well.

 

Your time on earth was so very short. However, I feel there was nothing left unsaid for us. For that, I am grateful. I bet I am not the first mom to write their child in heaven, but this is my first letter to you since you died. I hope you get it because I am not sure how to have something sent to heaven. It’s been a month since you left us and I miss you all the time, every day, and I always will.

 

There are days I wake up and the realization that you are gone just hits me like a Mac truck in my heart.

 

I love you so much yesterday, today, forever.

 

Love Mom

 

Dexia Billingslea is the mother of Prince Shabazz, 14, who was tragically and fatally shot, as reported, in the Fordham Heights section of The Bronx on Nov. 30, 2022.